Restaurant Wine Etiquette 101, or How to Dance With Your Somm, Part 1

I hesitate to even use the word etiquette because our restaurant experiences now—even at white-tablecloth venues—are vastly less formal—some might say, less stuffy!—than they were back in the 1980s and prior. In fact, today, you’re more apt to be irked by the somm’s (the prevailing shorthand for sommelier—further evidence that things are different now) high hipness quotient than you are offended by the passive-aggressive snobbery of days gone by. And this is all for the good, of course.

That said, certain things have essentially remained the same. Most consumers remain befuddled and intimidated by wine lists, and wine in general, really. (This post isn’t directed at the I-don’t-care-what’s-in-my-glass crowd; and there are legion of those.) And that apprehension is maybe even more pronounced when it comes to the dance referenced in the post’s title. There is one, and it basically hasn’t changed in forever.

My goal in this post is to help you navigate those steps by explaining why they are what they are and point out which are silly. As for wine knowledge issues, that’s a subject for another day, although I can tell you that like any subject of study, wine can be graduate level in its difficulty but it can also be reduced to some very basic “rules” which, unfortunately, are riddled with countless exceptions and qualifications that can often be ignored. Anyway, that’s just my way of saying that anyone can be more than competent perusing a wine shelf or a list once they understand some basics. Promise.

Once you’re handed the list, you’ll often be advised that there is help on the way if you want it. Some of us reflexively want to go our own way either because we know enough or because, well, we just don’t want to come across as unskilled.

The good news is that wine lists have changed drastically since the ‘80s (again, I’m picking on that decade of shoulder pads, big hair and seemingly bottomless expense accounts). What had historically been a tome as heavy as a bowling ball now can be anything from a single sheet of paper, a tablet or other electronic device, a QR code or just scrawling on a chalk board. There are, of course, still big-book lists, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

While lists used to be dominated by French wines, meaning, really, Bordeaux, Champagne and Burgundy, today the broadening of our horizons means that you’re likely to find at least a few choices from places you may not even have associated with wine.

In fact, I was in a steakhouse the night before writing this and I saw five—five!—selections from Kosovo! That was a first for me and I’ve had my share of dinners from that part of the world.

First thing’s first, if you are looking for guidance from the somm or your server (he or she should have more than a modicum of knowledge of the list even if there is a resident somm), you’re likely to be asked—in no particular order—what styles do you like, including color, rich, lean, oaked, unoaked, fruit forward, really dry, New World, Old World, or even grape varietals, i.e., Cab, Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc and on and on, as well as what you might be ordering to eat.

If you and your table mates have preferences, you’re making everyone’s lives easier by spilling them. Doing so will go a long way toward ensuring that what ends up in your glass will be to your liking.

But have no fear if you don’t speak the language. The somm or server should be able to coax some telling info out of you. I always tell people that they actually know more than they think they do; they just have difficulty expressing it.

All of us can articulate some sense of what we like and perhaps more importantly, what we don’t like in a wine: too acidic; not fresh enough; too heavy; too light; too hot (meaning noticeable alcoholic warmth); etc.

Once that’s done, you’ll be asked what your price range is. Yes, I know how fraught this question can be when on first dates, business meals or trying to impress mom and dad after that first job is secured. I get it but it’s important to be honest.

No one wants to be the guy who orders the cheapest bottle and few can afford the most expensive which is why restaurants figure you’ll end up somewhere in between. But that in between is a huge range. You have no one to blame but yourself if you don’t guide your guide on this issue. After all, you can’t send that $150 bottle back once it has been opened because you weren’t clear.

You can do a tactical retreat, however, because the somm or server will present the bottle to you first, not just to make sure it’s what you ordered but also to give you the chance to decline it (politely) before the cork gets pulled. In my experience—and I know there are horror stories out there—restaurants aren’t in the business of taking advantage of you by massively upselling. It’s not good for business.

In short, give a range. It doesn’t matter if it’s $25 - $50, $75 - $100 or whatever. Once done, you again increase the likelihood of getting what you wanted to pay for rather than disappointed and sticker shocked.

The hard work is now done.

Next up: presentation and opening of the wine.